My letter of accepting

I've accepted your apology in order for me to move on I accepted your apology in order to free myself from anger I held onto for 8 years I accepted your apology not for breaking my heart and causing  me great pain but for allowing me to grow into the strong women I am today and allowing me to  find strength in areas of my life where I fail weak Yes I gave you all my love even loved you when you didn't return your love too me I grew bitter and cold afraid too love again afraid to give myself too another because of old wounds that never healed I've placed my heart under lock and key so the next wouldn't do me harm I use to think I wasn't pretty enough that I would never find someone to love me like you once did but I realize now that I would never allow myself to have someone to love me the way you did but find me someone to love me better then you once did. Unforgiveness breeds bitterness,  I don't want to rob myself of ever finding true love again Our memories I'll cherish but on this day I accept your apology I will never know your reasons why it took you 8 yrs to apologize but know that in my heart I forgive you but don't get it confused with rebuilding a relationship with you because that will never happen.

Finding faith

Faith, that word didn't exist to me it wasn't in my vocabulary, it had no meaning to me I had erased that word from my life only because faith was no where around when I needed it to be. Faith let me down to many times when I held on to the little bit that I did have only to get disappointed I blamed faith for my silent cries when I gave clues that something wasn't right, I cried out so many times that my cries were nothing more then a whisper that had slowly faded away. Its been 4years now I'm able to look back on all that I can finally say I opened my heart up to faith  I realize now that faith never left me I just needed a little strength to be strong so I can make it through the difficult days  Carol "raindow6" Banks...Next episode coming soon....

Double sided mirror

Whenever I would look into a mirror I saw someone who wasn't me, I saw a stranger,she looked like me but the women I grew to became wasn't the girl my parents had raised too speak up for herself I saw a frightened lonely soul longing to be loved for the right reason and not for all the wrong reasons.I was tired of pretending to be someone who wasn't me I was tired of just being tired and carrying so much weight on my shoulders I had everyone fooled family, friends & even my coworkers They had no clue as to what went on,on the other side of my door boy if those walls could talk. There were many nights where I thought about ending it all then my heart wouldn't be in so much pain & I wouldn't be living a lie when people would ask if I were ok Shit, what the point of living when the love of my life had introduced me to his best friend "Smith & Wesson " and threatened if I leave him his best friend would take care of me All I could think about was Who's going to protect me know.....Carol "raindow6" Banks Next episode coming soon...

Halloween, 365 days

You wore so many masks, had so many disguises I didn't know you anymore it was as if I had fallen in love with a stranger, a stranger in our home because the man I thought I had fallen in love with he wasn't you. You had everyone fooled  False adviser, was who you were you sold me with good looks, charm & smooth talker. Dr.Jekyll & Mr. Hide was whom I thought you had becoming the one thing was I saw more of Mr Hyde Diffrent as day & night I realized that I had made a bad investment on love  I decided to ride it out not knowing there would be so many bumps in the road before I'm able to smooth certain parts of my life out and be happy in love again one day....Carol "raindow6" Banks...Next episode coming soon...

On being fair

Fair, come on really? Fair, what about forcing me to do things against my will,  what about taking something special away from me just because in your mind I was your women and that made it right what about me having fear in my heart and being afraid to fall asleep not knowing if I'll wake up looking Smith & Wesson head on I had put so much faith in you We had the world fooled they saw us as " the happy couple " the couple that was so in love but little did they know we weren't that loving couple that had labeled us to be....Carol "raindow6" Banks...Next episode coming soon

Stolen identity

Doing all the things I said I wouldn't do and never doing the things I wanted to do I became a stranger to myself all because I was so high off his love couldn't see myself doing anything if it didn't involved being around him Shut my family, friends and my social life out all because of his jealous ways I let this man validate who I was I  let him take  away the only thing that I stood for and that was defining who I was. I was brain washed into being someone that wasn't me I remember thinking how could this be happening to me. My life wasn't always that picture perfect photo that hung from our bedroom wall, it wasn't that perfect relationship that people labeled us as having and the smile I often would wear was just and upside down frown I tried so hard to hide....Carol "raindow6" Banks .....Next episode coming soon