13 Chapters

Sex was not an option in our home it was his way and his way only some might call it rape but to him it wasn't I was his women and he could have sex with me when ever he wanted to that's what he use to tell me.There were so many nights where he forced himself on me I remember lying there thinking to myself "is he ever going to finish"I spent so many nights in the shower til I would fall asleep I hated for him to touch me I hated just being around him there were nights where I thought if I fake an illness I would be OK for the night that he would let me sleep sometimes it worked while others times it didn't On one occasion I was tired of him forcing himself on me tired of him using my body just tired of being tired I stood up and shouted no more! no more! I can't do this anymore! it has to stop am tired I can't go on any more! he looked at me then walks to the closet pulls out his hand gun that he kept on the top shelf pointed it against my head and told me to "shout the fuck up bitch! that's my pussy and I can have it when ever the fuck I want"he pushes me onto the bed placed the gun on the pillow next to my head.He then removed my clothes from that moment on I closed my eyes and prayed to God .. :(

13 Chapters

I went through hell and back with this man We were never married but I did my part held the family down even stood by his side through countless women that had come between us Like most couples we had our share of ups and Downs somehow our bad out weight the good.I had let this man break me down to a point where I tried to commit suicide by taking a bottle of pills as he stood there not trying to stop me.I must have blacked out because when I finally came through he was standing over me looking down on me he's words then were"Next time use a gun dumb ass that would do the trick you dumb fuck" My relationship with him was never Physical abuse but more like mental and emotional abuse words can hurt just as bad but you just don't have the scares to show.On the night of me taking the pills we had got into an argument over something so stupid I call my mom to ask her to see if my father would come over to get me because ? was upset and things wasn't going well in the house.I though parents were suppose to protect her child no matter what the situation is A child should feel that her parents are her safe haven Not for me, because my mom told me to stay and work it out see how things were in the morning.I couldn't believe she said those words to me In the back of my mind I had so many mix emotion about what had just played out What if things had went to far would she blame herself would she carry the guilt of me calling her to say something was wrong would she carry the guilt if I didn't wake from the over dose.There were so much that went on behind close doors that went unnoticed things that I never spoke about til today ? was once a loving man did his part and took care of me but somewhere along the way we lost each other I always feared that I would die by his hands that he would be the one to take my life he would sometimes tell me that If I every come up missing that my parents could find me on the railroad tracks with a bullet hole in the middle of my forehead.I use to tell my mom if I was to every come up miss have the police look at ? I even told her the location of a local railroad track to where my body might be.