On Being Independent

My life with him was wonderful I had everything a girl could every want  for the first time in my life I had someone who really cared for me.Before ? came in to my life I felt like I didn't belong like I was always out of place with the world I felt that no one could ever Love me  if they did what reason would they have I'm not sure if its because growing up I never heard those woods or if it was just me I know within my relationship with ? I had made things hard for him don't get me wrong its was in a good way at least from my point of view but as I look back now I fully understand where ? was coming from There were times were I didn't let him do is part you know the man taking care of his girl  for an example on my birthday he had brought me my very first car.  Before he come into my life and me finding out what he did for a living my dream car at that time was this Grand Am you know simple something that I could afford I would go by the dealer's every now and again just to get a look at what would soon be mine only had 1 more paycheck coming before I knew it I had enough for the down payment long story short 2 weeks later went to go make the payment  there was ? standing there with the keys in his hand, yellow bow on the car(yellow) my fave color I should have jump for joy because my man had brought me my 1st car but guess what I didn't feel that way maybe I'm wrong but I felt betrayed don't ask why I just did  The reason why is because everyone that was in my life that had ever did anything for me always reminded me of what they had done for me always telling me "if it wasn't for me you wouldn't had this or that" so from that point on I never asked anyone for anything if I couldn't afford it it must have not been met for me to have Don't get it twisted I'm not to proud to ask for help just don't want to be reminded of it that's all.When I ask ? why did he buy the car for me he said "I just wanted to do something nice for you can I do that for my Girl" Once again I felt special but guess what I didn't keep the car I gave it back only because this was something that I wanted to do for myself I didn't want our relationship to end  and ? ask for the car back we all know relationships start off good only because we're trying to make our self look good come on we all have done it a time or too.Another reason why I guess I felt I needed to do everything on my own I had never had a boyfriend in my life I understood the meaning of being in a relationship I just felt as if I needed to do for myself because if I didn't no one would. Now on the other hand my parents took good care of us did whatever needed to be done to care and provide for use but outside of that I always did for self. Blog you later on 3/30/2010