Fear of being alone

With Dee looking to do time in jail I had come to realize that the better part of me wasn't going to be there I had got use to the fact that no matter what was going on in my life he was always there I had got use to going to bed with him and waking up to him no matter if he had away games or not sure, I went to bed alone but when I would wake up I knew he would be there next to me I knew I would sometimes be awaken with a kiss letting me know he was home but not all nights were followed by a kiss.If Dee knew I had worked long hrs at the hospital he would let me sleep in But the biggest fear I had was being alone and not having him with me I wasn't sure if I could do everything on my own without him you know taking care of bills stuff like that even though I still had my own place I felt it was still my responsibility to handle his bills since I have been staying with him for that last 6mths We still kept my lease to my apartment only because I didn't want to break the lease and still end up paying for it.I know some of you may be thinking why the "hell would I be responsible for he's bills" but before you judge me I was living there we were in a relationship so I felt it was only fair.The night before he was due in court to face the judge I think I had never been more close to God meaning relationship wise I think I had talk to God more that night then any other time in my life asking him not to take Dee away from me not right now anyway We were just starting a relationship I needed him to. I remember Dee holding me close in his arms telling me that everything would be OK that he had taken care of everything that the bills was already taken care of for the next 6mths (He was thoughtful like that) I guess in the back of his mind he some how knew that he would do the 6mths.That morning Dee's lawyer's where all at the house getting last min things together me watching Dee walking from room to room hands in his pockets was hard to watch he was a "hot mess" I remember over hearing him tell one of his lawyers that he can't do this(Go to jail) not now not with everything else that was going on in his life or should I say our life's. Before learning  Dee might be up for some jail time we had learned that we were expecting our first child together.There were so many mix emotions going on in my mind about the baby I was still young had a great job working with 2 of the most well-know Hospitals here in Cleveland,The Cleveland Clinic and University Hospitals Of Cleveland you all might be thinking how did I pull that one(working for 2 well-known Hospitals) I did and still is to this day.Having a baby for me at that time wasn't a good idea a lot of women might see it as $$$$ I still had a lot I wanted to do with myself  plus having a baby doesn't keep a relationship together I remember thinking to myself how would I tell the man I Love that I didn't want this baby not now not like this so afraid of what he might think I still couldn't find the words to tell him Blog you Later !

Is the grass greener on the other side?

Some say the grass is greener on the other side but is it really or do we seem to think so only because in some way shape or form we weren't use to certain things that had come into our lifes until we come across someone who did everything for you, someone who had given you the world or that someone who was always there to give that shoulder or that ear when time got the best of you.To me my grass was greener on the other side not because he had given me every and anything  I wanted but just because of the attention the love he had showed me and to me that was enough.There were times I would think what my life would have been like if I didn't have him would I have ever had someone to love me as much as he did.Some women get involved with men for all the wrong reason they seem to think that money is more important then love While others just need that attention from her man.So remember sometimes the grass is not greener on the other side its only what you make of it and what you my seem to think is diffrent cause you never had or are not use to what have come into you life