Silent Cries

I use to wounder what my life would have been if I had lived a normal childhood what I mean by normal I mean where I didn't have to look over my shoulders all the time thinking who's going to hurt me or protect me or next time would my parents be able to notice when something was wrong with me I spent so much time blaming myself for what was going on in my life thinking I was to blame for my Auntie's boyfriend robbing me of my childhood why he had taken something so special away from me that I wanted to share only with my future husband so many mix emotions not knowing where to start with such a heavy load for a young child to carry around I didn't know what to do with myself.I remember "Uncle Evil Villain" (is what I called him)telling me the reason why he did what he did was because I was the "misfit child"that no one wanted me or loved me but him and when people love each other that's what they do for each other. I knew what he was doing was wrong I just didn't know how to go about telling someone As a child my parents never told us about strangers they never told us what to do if and when someone touched us in away that didn't feel right so how was I to know right from wrong if it was never discuss with us.Just the thought of him I often vomit but he didn't care cause he would still climb on top of me and have his way with me til I  pass out from the pressure of his heavy hands around my neck when I awake i would find myself in my bed in my pj's on so no one would notice what was going on I prayed to god a lot those days but he failed me cause all those times I would wish him(Uncle Evil Villain) dead but he would still wake the next day just to make me do things I never should have done or things he should have been doing with my Auntie. I often wrote during those times I would be alone with him wishing someone would come save me but no one did :(


Alone in a world with a voice that goes unheard
The pain I feel for you have never felt
My cries for help goes unheard
The scars you see are mistaken for falls I never had
The smile you see is an upside down frown I try to hide
The dreams I have are nightmares of you that haunt me night after night

Silent Cries

Every child look at their parents to be their protector someone to shelter them kinda like their superhero to save them from their evil villain where were my protectors my super hero's when I needed them to protect me from my villain In a world of my own not knowing who to run to not knowing who I can trust I was force to live in a world of pain.Many years after the death of my evil villain I'm still haunted by my past wondering how so many people over looked what was going on in my world what was happening to me in the hands of my Auntie's boyfriend how could she not hear my cries how could she not hear me calling out to her telling her to "Look, look Auntie Cindy look at what he's doing to me please help me"how could she not see what was going on right in her home in the next bedroom was she blind? I often wondered. How could she not hear was she deaf or was she so use to the noise that filled the halls of her run down apartment building from the neighborhood kids how could my parents not see the signs were they to so blind that they didn't know when their own child was in harm or did they not care.Every time my parents took me to my Aunts house I would get so sick to my stomach that I often vomit but they just brushed it off as if I had the so-called 7day bug I would have unexplained marks on my body in places that would make any parent say"What the hells going on with my baby" but they just got mistaken for falls I never had  if they would've stop and noticed the changes in me they would've known but they failed to pick up on my nightmares the many sleepiness nights my father would spend at my bedside until I fell back to sleep.So whats a 10yr old to do when she can't turn to her family.

By age 13 things didn't change Uncle Evil Villain still had his way with me when ever he wanted to and saw fit to but this time it was happening in my own home in my parents bed by this time my Aunt had got evicted and was living with us in the attic until she got on her feet it was easy for my parents because now they didn't have to tug us over to the baby-sitter she was already living with us.I remember one time my Aunt had walked in on him as he was about to rub my breast but he played it off as if he was showing me how to protect myself if I had ever got into a fight She walked away and said play safe I remember thinking to myself "Play safe?Play safe? come on! he never play safe because playing safe shouldn't have to hurt when you rub my breast play safe shouldn't have to hurt when you enter me in places that shouldn't be entered Play safe shouldn't have to hurt when you wrap your hands around my throat to keep me from screaming "help! someone please help me...