Silent cries

Dreams should be sweet and pleasant something you would want to remember and some you want to forget. Dreams for a young child shouldn’t always be nightmares. A young child shouldn't have to be afraid to fall asleep knowing if I closed my eyes something bad would happen. I realized that you can have nightmares even when you’re awake. No matter if I was awake or sleep something bad always happened to me. He didn't care what I was going though or what he was doing to me all that mattered to him at that time was him and only him.Why did I have to live in the same world as this evil person how come I couldn't go be with God, at least I knew I was going to be safe at least I knew God wasn't going to let anything or anyone hurt me or bring harm to me. My own parents couldn't give me or they couldn't even protect me from the pain that Mr evil villain was putting upon me so why would I want to stay with them They had already let me down just as the teachers that over look the marks on my legs during gym class the doctors that over looked the marks on a young child's breast the marks that went unnoticed on my thighs as well as my neck from the strong hold he had on me so I wouldn't scream the pain that I had whenever i sat down from him entering me in places he shouldn't had were they all in on this with him or did Mr evil villain tell them to that he would kill them if they told what he was doing to me.As a young child I had so many mix thoughts going on in my head as to why no one wanted to help me why no one wanted to protect me so I gave up on life gave up on everyone that was in my life, why not , they  had given up on me since I was 9 yrs old when all my nightmares started to happen.No one seem to care about little old me I cried so many times from the pain but I was often sent to bed until I felt better I was never going to feel better as long as Mr evil villain was alive I would cry myself to sleep forcing myself to stay awake so I could protect myself since no one else came locking down these walls that kept so many secret But I had no strength to take him down he was much to strong for me so most of the time I would just lie there silent crying while he did what he did cause if I let out any type of noise while he did his business that's when he would grab my neck until the room would spin and I would be fast asleep. when I awoke he would be gone that's when the pain would come from where he would have done his business In some crazy way i think that was the best part of it all" Him having that strong grip on my neck so I would go to sleep" I just didn't want to know what was going to happen next  All i know is i just wanted it to be over but in some way I had hope one day he would hold just a little stronger then my life would be over I didn't have to worry about him hurting me anymore...